Learn to Read With the Furuba Cast!
by Daisukeismyboyfriend
Summary: Need to brush up on your reading skills? Have Shigure and the gang teach y'all how to read. Rated T...um, because I rate my stuff T. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

Learn to Read with the Furuba Cast!!

Woo. For the best results reading this story, click the little "B" thingy in the corner. The hyperlink…click it until the text gets big and ick-tastic. Shigure will help your little brother/sister/uncle/relative/friend read. Woo…

* * *

See Kyo run.

See Yuki run.

See Kyo be macho.

See Yuki kick Kyo's butt.

Hear Kyo swear.

Swear, swear, swear.

Kyo loves to swear.

---

Tohru looks at Kyo.

She likes Kyo.

Kyo likes Tohru.

---

Yuki is a rat.

Kyo is a cat.

Rat, cat.

Tohru is a rice ball.

Rice ball. Yum.

Shigure is a dog.

Dog. Yuk.

---

Momiji is happy.

See Momiji laugh.

"Ha, ha, ha."

Momiji is laughing at Kyo.

Stupid cat!

Yuki is yelling at Kyo.

Stupid cat.

Kyo is swearing.

Swear, swear, swear.

---

Kureno is angsty.

Angst, angst, angst.

Akito is a meanie.

Angst, angst, angst.

Shigure likes Akito.

He likes her a lot.

They are mommy and daddy.

Except not really.

---

See Aaya prance.

Aaya is flaming.

Flame, flame, flame.

See Yuki run.

See Aaya yelp.

See Kyo swear.

Swear, swear, swear.

See Aaya poof.

Poof, poof, poof.

Aaya's a snake!

Tohru screams.

Screams, screams, screams.

Oh dear.

---

Ritsu is scary.

He is very shy.

He needs mental help.

Ritsu drops the muffins.

No, no, no.

Bad Ritsu.

Ritsu yells.

Yells, yells, yells.

Shigure pokes Ritsu.

Poke, poke, poke.

Ritsu deflates.

Fwisssssssh.

---

Haru is stoic.

He likes to stand.

Oh no!

Haru turned Black!

Black, black, black.

Snap, snap, snap.

Here comes Kyo!

Kyo swears.

Swears, swears, swears.

Haru kicks.

Bad Haru!

Kyo punches.

Bad Kyo!

Ayame shrieks.

Bad Ayame!

Flaming Ayame!

---

Rin is angsty.

She likes Haru.

Rin can run.

Run, run, run.

Rin has stomach ulcers.

Ow, ow, ow.

She's friends with Tohru.

Yay!

Everyone loves Tohru.

Except Akito.

But Akito's a meanie.

You already knew that, right?

---

Everyone needs help.

Lots and lots of help.

_Help_ help.

---

See Ayame flame.

Flame, flame, flame.

See Tohru eep.

Eep, eep, eep.

See Kyo yell.

Yell, yell, yell.

See Yuki run.

"DUMB RAT!"

"Stupid cat."

- - - - - - - -

I was immensely bored. Please review or flame, whichever floats your boat…


	2. Page 2

Learn To Read 2!

I never thought I'd get this many reviews for something this stupid, that I thought up while on a sugar high. Well, because so many of you reviewed, I shall reward thee. With another chapter. Woot.

---

See Kyo run.

Run, Kyo, run!

Kyo is running from Kagura.

Kagura is happy.

Too happy.

---

See Ayame flame.

See Hatori grin.

See Shigure dance.

Dance, Shigure, dance!

Sing, Akito, sing!

---

Tohru is cooking.

Does Tohru like to cook?

Yes, Tohru likes to cook.

She has fun.

Oh, no!

It's Yuki!

He's come to eat her food!

---

This is Kisa.

Kisa is sad.

Kisa is teased.

This is Hiro.

Hiro is mad.

Hiro insults random people.

Hiro likes Kisa.

Hiro is Kisa's prince.

---

This is Hinata.

Coo, Hinata, coo!

Hinata is a baby.

She's so cute!

---

Momiji likes to jump.

Let's jump with Momiji.

Yay.

---

Hatori is angsty.

His heart is broken.

Like a glass.

Hatori is a doctor.

He gives needles.

And helps people.

---

This is Ren.

Ren is an…um…evil person.

She doesn't like anyone.

She's Akito's mommy.

---

Yuki is annoyed.

"Get out of my room." Yuki says.

"No." says Kyo.

"Gasp!" says Tohru.

Kyo and Yuki are fighting again.

Oh, well.

---

"It's a lake!" says Tohru.

"Yes, it is." says Hatori.

"Jason!" says Shigure.

Tohru falls on Kyo.

POOF!

Kyo's a cat!

---

Kyo and Yuki are fighting again.

Kyo's a cat!

Yuki's a rat!

Poof!

Tohru's an embarrassed onigiri!

---

Uo's a gang leader.

Hanajima's a wave girl.

They're Tohru's friends.

Tohru's perfectly normal.

"Yay!" says Tohru.

"Woo." says Uo.

"Fantastic," says Hana.

---

Ayame and Yuki are fighting.

Again.

Ayame loves Yuki.

Yuki could care less.

"Brother!"

"Go away."

"You're the reason-"

"Go away."

Poor Ayame.

Nobody likes him.

Except me.

---

I might be persuaded into writing a third chapter. Maybe. If you bring me cookies and flashlights and books and the movie Hot Rod.

"Cool beans."

Oh, yes. That quote will never die.

Review?


	3. Page 3 point 5

I can't believe the reviews. I think I'm going to explode. Thankees.

---

See Rin run.

See Haru catch.

Catch, Haru, catch!

See Haru kiss Rin.

See Yuki puke.

---

Shigure is a perv.

Pervy Shigure!

Ayame is flaming.

Flaming Ayame!

Hatori is stoic.

Stoic Hatori!

They are the Madabuchi Trio.

What a fancy name!

---

Kyo is tired.

It is raining.

Sleep, Kyo! Sleep!

Kyo is hungry.

But not for leeks.

---

Momiji is happy.

He likes to bounce.

Bounce, bounce, bounce.

See Momiji bounce.

Kyo is not happy.

He likes to swear.

Swear, swear, swear.

See Kyo swear.

Bounce, swear, bounce.

How fun.

---

Akito is angry today.

Her mommy's a bad person.

Akito likes Shigure.

Shigure wants to go away.

Ayame is still flaming.

And Hatori is still stoic.

---

Ritsu is sad.

Poor Ritsu.

Kisa is sad.

Poor Kisa.

Hiro is mean.

Evil Hiro.

Kisa likes Hiro.

Hiro wants to be Kisa's knight.

---

Kagura is crazy.

She loves Kyo.

Kyo doesn't like Kagura.

But he likes Tohru.

Why?

Kagura doesn't know.

We don't know.

No one knows.

---

Tohru is working.

Work, Tohru, work!

Momiji is helping.

Help, Momiji, help!

Hatori is smoking.

Bad Hatori.

Ayame is flaming.

Bad Ayame.

Yuki is still barfing.

Gross, Yuki!

---

(sighs) I don't know why, but writing these is very gratifying. I think I'll continue it until you reviewers stop reviewing and I'm left with…nothing?

Uh…

Well, yeah.

Review?

Flames will be used to torch Doctor Kabapu.

Muah, hua, hua.


	4. Page Orange

Learn To Read Number FOUR!!!

"I, Elegala, think that Senior Excel's idea is stupid."

"SHADDUP!!"

Yes, my humble readers, it is I, the esteemed authoress.

Wait…that came out wrong. Anyways, the fourth chappie. I can't find my USB drive that I use to take files off of the computer I use for typing (which doesn't have Internet, which sucks) and put it on the computer I use for everything else. Such a pain. So, when boredom calls…

…Furuba answers. Alrighty.

See Shigure run.

Run, Shigure, run!

Shigure was being a perv.

Now Kyo and Yuki are mad.

Mad, mad, mad.

They chase Shigure all around the house.

Tohru is confused.

She is smiling.

Isn't she pretty?

---

Kyo is sometimes angsty.

Angst, angst, angst.

He shares his angst with Momiji.

Angst, angst, angst.

But Haru and Rin have more angst.

Lots and lots of angst, angst, angst.

But the most angst?

Akito!

---

Kureno can't fly anymore.

Sad, sad Kureno.

He used to be a birdy.

Flap, flap, flap.

But now he's not.

---

Hinata is a baby.

Yay.

Hiro is Hinata's brother.

He's a very good brother.

He even coos with Hinata.

They like to make baby sounds.

Goo, goo, goo.

Gah, gah, gaaa.

---

Ayame and Mine are strange.

Ayame is still flaming!

Mine isn't freaked out.

Mine is used to Ayame.

Mine is used to Ayame flaming.

They are happy.

Ayame likes Mine.

Aren't they cute?

---

Momo is Momiji's little sister.

She looks like her mutti.

Momiji likes Momo.

They like to hug.

Hug, hug, hug.

---

Kagura is bugging Kyo.

Bug, bug, bug.

Kyo likes fried eggs.

He draws them in the dirt.

Yay!

Kagura likes Kyo.

She doesn't draw him in the dirt, though.

She throws him in the dirt.

Yay!

Poor Kyo.

He's a sad kitty.

---

Ritsu is sad.

He has no confidence.

He needs someone to cheer him up.

It's Mitchan!

Shigure's editor person!

Ritsu likes Mitchan.

Mitchan thinks Ritsu is a girl.

Silly Mitchan!

Ritsu's a guy…

…Right?

---

Hatori is a seahorse.

He's a doctor.

He likes to cure people.

Like Akito!

Silly Hatori!

Akito's mean!

Mean, mean, mean.

He/She has too much angst!

Hatori has angst too.

He had a girlfriend.

But then Akito was mean.

Bad Akito!

Sad Kana!

Sadder Hatori!

Evil Akito!

Shigure!

Hatori's eye hurt.

Kana had to go home.

Sad, sad, sad.

Angst, angst, angst.

---

Would Kyo like some miso and leeks?

"No, I would not like some miso and leeks."

Would he like them in a boat?

Would he like them in a moat?

"I would not like them in a boat, I would not like them in a boat. I would not like miso and leeks, I would not like them, ratty geek."

"Fine then!"

---

Kisa is pretty.

She clings to Tohru.

Tohru doesn't mind!

Nice Tohru.

Aww!

Kisa is teased.

Mean girls! Mean!

She gets self-esteem.

From Yuki!

Yay!

---

Yuki is the President.

He gets annoyed.

Kakeru is random.

Talk, Kakeru, talk!

Kimi is egotistical.

Brag, Kimi, brag!

Machi is strange.

Sit, Machi, sit!

Nao is angry.

Fume, Nao, fume!

Aren't they fun?

Yay!

---

Three damn pages.

I need to be bored more often if I'm gonna churn out stuff as awesomely horrible as this.

"Green Eggs And Ham" is by Dr. Seuss. Not me. I don't have his business card or anything.


	5. Page You asked for it

**Learn to Read 5? 6?  
I don't know. Leave me alone. (growls in a very Kyo-like fashion)**

**Because I'm feeling random, I'm going to start posting little snippets of information all over this fic. In the AN's. Woot.**

**First one: I desperately enjoy drawing bishounen.**

**Oh yeah…just remembered…Flaming in Aaya's case doesn't mean writing harsh reviews full of swearwords and usually denouncing the writer repeatedly. It means acting like you're gay. Fits him, no?**

---

This is the Sohma house.

Look at all the people!

There's Momiji!

He's hopping.

Hop, hop, hop.

See Momiji hop.

---

Haru is lost.

Where is Haru?

He doesn't know.

He's lost, silly!

Rin finds Haru.

Haru is still lost.

Angst, angst, angst.

---

Tohru is full of smiles.

She loves to be happy.

But sometimes she is sad.

Tohru is sad today.

She misses her mom.

Let's all be sad with Tohru.

---

Kazuma is Kyo's teacher.

He teaches Kyo karate.

Hi-ya!

Kyo likes karate.

He wishes Kazuma was his daddy.

Kazuma does too.

Now Kazuma and Kyo are daddy and son.

Yay!

---

Kakeru likes to call Yuki a funny name.

Yuki doesn't like it.

What's the funny name?

Yun-Yun!

Poor Yuki!

But Yun-Yun is as cute as a panda!

Awwww!

---

Hiro is happy today.

Kisa and Hiro are eating crepes.

Hiro likes strawberries.

Kisa likes chocolate.

Yummy.

---

Kureno is busy.

He is busy angsting about Uo-chan.

Poor Kureno!

Poor Uo-chan!

They can't make up their minds!

How sad.

---

Hanajima likes Kazuma.

Kyo is freaked out.

Why is Kyo freaked out?

Because Kazuma is his daddy.

So Hanajima would be his mommy.

That would be weird.

---

Nao is always angry.

He likes one of Yuki's fangirls.

Poor Nao. He's so nervous.

He needs self-esteem.

Like Ritsu!

---

Shigure is sick today.

Hatori comes to make him better.

Hatori gives Shigure a needle.

Shigure yells. "OW!"

Hatori grins sadistically.

Poor Shigure.

Hatori messed up.

---

Ayame is making "men's romance"!

He likes his work.

He makes clothes!

Mine helps.

They are like little worker bees.

Work, bees, work!

Ayame is still flaming.

We still don't know why.

Oh well!

---

Machi is strange.

She doesn't like perfection.

It makes her mad.

She messes it up.

She's Kakeru's half-sister!

But they're not the same.

No, no, no.

---

Kureno is feeling uber-angsty today.

Is it because of Uo?

No.

Is it because of Yuki?

No.

Is it because of Akito?

Yes!!!

---

**Unnnnnnnnngggghhhhhhhh… a word to the wise: don't attempt to write three stories at 4 am if you want to live through the next day. I'm going to sleep now.**

**Review if you want. Flames are grudgingly accepted (which means I'll attack you later. With a garden hose and some Molotov cocktails.)**

**Fish.**

**XD**


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